Me In Outerspace

The Nature of the Beast

2010-01-16T00:16:00.001-06:00

my blog is moving.

it's time for a change? yes.

fare thee well!

<3.amelia

involving candied whales.

2009-11-30T19:02:00.001-06:00

I see you.

love love love

hello.

Today i feel the same. but not the same same i've been feeling. it's a very different same.

haah

crazy

Millie

Millard

same.

meet me in India.

2009-09-13T23:36:00.002-05:00

i guess what i want most is to be Mysterious

enough to attract attention.

well... ha ha ha.

i am Eternity's wedding band.

i am in the west and the waves are crashing.

i am you.

Grey Area.

2009-07-30T00:33:00.002-05:00

"...they have learned that if you tilt your neck to the slightest degree and hold your head just so you can look into lost worlds."

i find myself

dreaming again.

i find myself

opening windows

and breathing

again.

j'ai moi

je ne sais pas moi

and somehow

disowning myself

makes more sense

than trying to label myself

by saying what i am

i am

that's all

and does there ever need to be more?

i know there needs to be more questions.

but

what do i honestly know

besides myself.

je voudrais to know how you feel

it's hard for me to picture myself with

a lover

{not selfpity}

i am rather vain actually.

i spend more time in front of mirrors than any Gent should.

today is eternity

and tomorrow is when everything

seems to

end

Finir:

je finis

tu finis

il/elle finit

nous finissons

vous finissez

ils/elles finissent

19 is the perfect age.

and

i understand how you cna be married to osme one four 53 years and still think they are

perfect.

it's one of those things you have to figure out for yourself.

figure

it out

and tell me

about it

when

you do.

So texas is to Mars

Oregon is too Saturn.

i find this fascinating

and i want a

daugher

so i can call her sunshine.

or a son.

life is an extended question mark

for some

and my personal choice of punctuation is

parynthesis

or some other form of correctly spelt words.

[we never really got along]

did

you know...

i fall in love with everyone i meet

i have several sets of families with various amounts of strangers.

i am a silly little chicken.

and i choose

to start

where i began

and finir

where

i do.

hah.

i am fine.

the plural of crisis.

2009-05-24T23:09:00.002-05:00

I constantly battle with one idea.

what if?

i just can get over what might've happened.

and i know that i am where i am because i am supposed to be,

but if i chose something else would that be where i'm supposed to be and how can that be if i am here and here is where i am supposed to be.

i even confuse my self.

and i dont know what i want

or how to get what i wanted even if i knew what it was.

i hate being so young

and i dont want to grow up

i am afraid.

of failingof succeeding.

and how can i be so confident one minute and so fetching unsure the next.

i am so sick of constant change

and of waiting for people to come around.

i miss.

everything.

the good old days

that werent very good

or very long ago.

poetry and all that jazz

2009-05-15T21:27:00.003-05:00

What is a poem.

and who is the poet?

do i have to be eloquent to have meaning in my words?

lets call this 'poetry according to charles'

i have nothing to say.

but thank you.

to travis.

to greg and gregory

to liz lizzie lizziebeth and elizabeth.

for my mother

for my father

for my dad

thank you texas

thank you provo

thank you DF

thank you steven

jordan travis monty jackson mike yoda eric elissa fejj jordan

thank you moscow molly lory

thank you itsy bitsy

thank you danny

kelcey

heather heather

david bowie

saul williams

leonardodecaprio

kate winslet

australia

france

melissa missy

cath...

missy who got off that bus.

alexander gram belle

any warhol

alma and leopold

stargirl

charleswalace meg

thank you petepatrickandyjoe

thank you kronkmikeykingstondurnst

william beckett

catie katie

coalumbrella

thank you.

This i Believe

2009-04-26T12:45:00.000-05:00

Children always ask 'why?' and for ages have been told 'because' or never given a real answer. So, as a child you learn to keep in your questions and accept things as they are. This attitude carries into who you become. I believe that asking 'why?' is the key to finding truth, and that truth is the key to finding joy. I believe in Truth.

I believe that truth is in beauty, that all things have truth therefor all things have beauty. I believe this to be the same with Love and knowledge. When you don't have truth/knowledge of things then you can only see the beauty that us most apparent and cannot properly love them, but when you have truth/knowledge you find all the beauty within it and redefine what it is to love something.

To constantly have truth you must constantly change. Because everything is constantly changing and if you do not change you are left without truth and are lost. I believe that 'truth' is different for everyone, something that is true for you may not be true for me. Which is why i believe that parents should teach their children to have their own opinions. I believe that you have to find your own truth (beauty,love etc.). Parents shouldn't spoil their children or fix their problems with out any questions, parents should allow children to fix your own life and give support constantly. This was my parents philosophy raising me and my siblings and I know that I have benefited from it. I know who I am, who I want to become and who I am becoming. I know what I want out of life and know how to get it. I know that to have fulfillment in my life it needs to be filled with truth. They say that 'ignorance is bliss' and I wholeheartedly disagree. The more I learn the better of a person I become. I have purpose to my life that most kids my age do not, and it's because of the truth that has been given to me and that I have learned for my self. I think thats whats wrong with the youth today, they go to school and get censored history books and never really learn what happened until they search for it. If we don't know our past then how can we hope for a better future?

This is not just an English paper, this is how I try to live my life. I try to find beauty in everyday and I ask 'why?' whenever I can. I know that somethings are just how they are, but I want to know why so I can prevent it from happening again. I have found that my life has become more meaningful and beautiful than ever before because I have something to live for. I live for truth.

Mme.

2009-04-17T18:08:00.002-05:00

I like to steal information.

does this mean there is not such thing as original thought anymore?

i think thought, now, is copied and pasted, plagerized from those who new more than we did before we did.

i am so sick of breathing computer generated air.

everytime i see grass i just want to roll around in it...

I am

2009-04-09T19:27:00.002-05:00

what is love?

words cannot express anything, when i am me.

but i can feel it when i am not the one expressing it.

dictionaries do not help with the definitions of life(lives)

have you ever read a book and gotten nothing from it

have you ever picked it up again

and had it chage your life.

has this happened multiple times?

me too.

sometimes,

i am afraid of everything,

and sometimes i am afraid of nothing.

i guess i pick up that book everyday and get something different from it.

"intelligence is intuitive, you needn't learn to love unless you've been taught to fear and hate." - Saul Williams

what has your book taught you?

have you had to relearn the basic human instinct.

THAT my friends is what is really wrong with society.

"If we don't have peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to eachother" - Mother Theresa

i belong to you love.

even if you do not like me.

i love you.

sorry its how i was made.

i love you.

*refer to top*

don't ask me to explain why how or what.

its so much more than words

it is actions and feelings.

it is love.

I love you.

Watch the plumes paint the sky grey.

2009-04-07T19:37:00.002-05:00

do yo know what molecules are?

then you understand that nothing is touching. not really.

and nothing is solid.

so how can you trust something that you can see and touch and feel and hold, and know that it is space.

i believe the solution is to trust things you cannot see.

things you cannot feel and touch and hold.

but things you can know.

you can know something without touching it.

like God and love.

have you ever willed something with your mind?

when ever i am in physical pain i tell my self it doesnt hurt, and then it doesnt.

the power of the mind is a great thing

imagine an extra percent.

try to imagine yourself 10 years from now

and then try to imagine yourself 10 years ago.

did you thin you would be here?

are you disapointed?

did you overestimate yourself?

or underestimate?

were the past 10 years worth it?

did you know that its not to late to be the person you always wanted to be?

on a simpler note.

was today worth it?

did you go through the motions, or make it meaning ful?

i am asking you these questions because i am asking myself these questions.

i believe in truth

i believe that the truth has an endless amount of questions

these are rhetorical.

did you answer them?

2009-04-07T19:18:00.004-05:00

It's hard leaving, because you don't want things to be any different when you come back.

so whats better? coming back and making new memories, or staying away and remembering how it used to be?

what is the american dream?

what did it used to be?

people used to work for what they earned and live.

this society was built on God no matter how godless you are!

God is in the rain! God is all around us, and all you have to do is see him!

have you been to delicate arch?

have you seen the texas sky?

have you seen the ocean?

have you seen a pregnant woman?

if you can find beauty you can find God, and you can find hope.

and for once, stop thinking about 'me', and start thinking about us.

its never to late to be the person you always wanted to be.

why can't we love anymore? and why do we spend more time critisizing others than fixing our own lives.

no one is perfect, especially not me.

but listen with your heart.

there is beauty in silence.

in shapes and forms.

in love, in life.

remember the songs that saved your life!!

mine are...

Truimphant Fanfare

Atmadja

Tortuga

Home on the Range

Night Watch

Pegasus

Adalina de Maya

La Suerte de los Sontos

An American Elegy

... and many many more.

Darling.

take it from someone who knows.

dont waste time sulking,

or hating

or not seeing!

take joy in the simple things

because you might end up in texas...

and when you do end up in texas you'd better learn from your mistakes and take pleasure in everything that happens there.

but sooner or later.

you will forget the sound of their voices,

and what it feels like to really connect with something or someone.

so fight for it.

fight for it like the old americans did.

live your legacy.

and when you say love

say LOVE

and dont say sorry

apologize,

but dont ever apologize. dont ever have a reason to apologize.

dont waste a second.

live life like you love yourself.

and everyone/thing else.

on another note

2009-04-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

its nice to finally know what i want.

adding to who i know i am.

are we getting closer or are we getting more lost?

2009-04-05T22:46:00.002-05:00

It's funny what simple words can mean.

i have and answer and it feels great. i guess i was afraid of getting an answer because i felt that if i got one too quickly, then it wasnt an answer, just a want for my answer.

but this really feels right.

durring conference i kept thinking of home and feeling that i should be there.

and then on two different occasions the speakers said

"there is opposition in all things"

and then i knew that it was my choice.

i could stay in texas

or i could go to utah

wither way there are going to be hardships

and either way i will grow.

so i pick utah

because of manythings.

and the pros and cons list helps.

its nice to have answer,

I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away.

2009-03-26T20:51:00.002-05:00

Je ne sais pas.

I have lost so many friends.

not lost.

Thrown away.

I've known some great people.

A lot of great people. and i ignored DF and treated them like i didnt want them forever.

I've done great things and I've done horrible.

but does any of that matter, when i am who i am?

or do they matter because i am who i am.

what if i cant put into words what im feeling.

because i dont want it to be true.

can i change whats wrong/right by changing how i think and feel?

does being a different person change what is definate for your former self.

can some one tell me what i want?

what do i want.

i guess I've never really said how lost and inaddequit i feel all of the time.

i know so much. i guess. but. i dont know anything.

how on earth will i be able to survive in the real world?

i live in the fantasy of sleep...

when will i finally wake up from my dream like state.

and when i do. will it be worth it?

or is it better to be who i am now and...

and i dant even know what is going to happen tomorrow let alone in a few year.

am i getting closer, or am i getting more lost?

tell me what youre thinking. i want to know.

i want to know how your mind works and how you see me.

to you, who am i?

Not another fight, I'm always trying to get the details right.

2009-03-13T17:46:00.002-05:00

What do i see when i think of my future?

I see myself graduating from Timpview.

I see myself going to Art School in the west.

I see

Lizzie

Molly

Bitsy

Bear.

and staying in contact with few from High School.

I also see myself.

I am geting used to loneliness, because i am going to spend time being alone.

I guess i wont be lonely or really alone.

Just in solitude.

I want to sleep under the stars, without a building in sight.

i want to breathe freshair, for the first time in my life.

I used to sit around waiting for some boy to save me.

I've learned that to live i must save myself. because if i dont have myself how can i have anyone else?

Did you know that when i'm somewhere i dont want to be. I close my eyes and tink of home.

Keep in mind, my Home is not yours and not conventional.

but i have never really been conventional.

and i have never belonged to someone.

not really.

how could some one belong to someone else?

how could you belong to someone and keep telling youself and others that it is love.

Love is not ownership. well not consciously.

I guess you 'belong' to the people you love.

so i belong to Lizzie and Molly and Bear and Bitsy.

and others.

i guess they have some of my 90%

its like icebergs.

you see whats on top (10%)

but to really See whats underneath you have to submerge your self.

its dangerous. yes. most things are.

but its worth it.

I refuse to lie anymore.

lying never helped anyone anyway.

What is happening to me anyway?

if i don't know who does?

Not a horse

2009-03-01T18:33:00.002-06:00

so i had stake conference today

and holy pants.

i seriously love the gospel. and the church. and god.

its makes sense and it makes everything else make sense. :)

make sense?

i also need a muse. i know who it is...

just not exactly how to convince them they are my muse.

p.s. that sounds creepy out loud.

Elder cook said something today. he said you are in texas fora reason and that reason isnt lost.

ive been preying lately. and this was an answer. texas needs me right now, and i cant change that until i fulfil my purpose here.

i miss everything about utah, the sounds the smells, the feeling i had when i was there, andi will never forget anything, and i wouldnt trade my past for the world.

but i am in texas now and as much as it hurts i have to stay here and finish what i started.

DF taught me well.

Millie is no quitter.

I'm a young one stuck in the box of an old ones head.

2009-02-24T19:26:00.002-06:00

Man oh man.

I am not to sure texas was a good idea...

But that is beside the point.

ive been feeling a little ( alot) homesick lately. and i dont even have a copy of my birth cetrificate.

there is so much i wish i could say with words.

i am determined to make this season better than the last.

maybe seasons to change after all.

i just remembered that this is my favorite time of year, just the smell of the wind. i guess.

but not here

more of center street and university. thats what i love. about january through april.

i agree with JC ( who is going to moscow) I was born 30 years too late.

oh my goodness. i love the 70s

the 60s and 70s are my favorite.

but not like the stereo type 60s and 70s but like the underground.

man i guess i just like underground vintage things... :D

i like old stuff. old simple stuff.

everything is so complicated.

you know what?

i believe in andy warhol.

go read his philosophies.

some may not be appropriate for all ages but the ideas be behind them are good.

but as i always say. there is no such thing as moral or immoral books simply well written or badly written. haha thats oscar wilde for those of you who dont know. :)

but seriously. andy warhol.

if you dont know who that is. get off of my blog. now.

he says when people meet they should immediately introduce their flaws, and that prevents second thoughts when the other person eventually finds out. its true.

these are my flaws, add some if i forget any.

I am Selfish

I am Lazy

I have no butt

I am normally 20 pounds lighter

My eyebrows are manish

I can't speak my opnion.

and if i do it usually gets torn down and then i cant defend it.

because i cannot use words

Spoken language is completely beyond me.

...

what else...

i dunno i think of more later

what is this mystery that blinds us all? or is it binds us all?

but i guess when we are blind we are bound by our lack or original thought or blind ness.

or we are so comsumed in original thought that basic principals seem to mundane and below us.

us. who else is sharing the 'Nous sommes' with me?

Man, i think im dying.

seriously.

but i think i have that disease when i think i have every disease.

because me thinking that i have that disease makes me a candidate for some one with that diesease.

DAG.

what is that called.

I'm going to look that up on Dictionary.com

oh man this where i went instead.

http://www.phobialist.com/

lets see what phobias we all have, i am going to see what Asians' is called. (fear of zombies)

Athazagoraphobia. thats what i have BTW

ASian has Necrophobia.

this is excting

man i wish i was inspired. but lately nothing has been inspiring or worthwhile.

stupid february.

sorry this isnt inspirational. and i havent captured anything super signifigangt (spell chack)

more about me

i am rude.

and sarcastic

and i am horrible to the people i would die for.

pretty twissted eh?

the end.

Have you ever wanted to dissapear?

2009-02-05T16:09:00.003-06:00

this is going to be me. i will be completely honest about myself. because honesty is key.

My name is Carol Amelia Ferguson, but it is not who i am.

Je m'appelle Millie. ( i call my self Millie)

I really like french, if i had to speak one language it would be french. even if i am only in french one.

I can never get enough Fall Out Boy in my veins.

but there is so much more music out there that i forget that sometimes. i forget alot.

i fidget. all the time. my hands have to be busy. all the time.

i am really awkward or really open. 'I'm every cliche but i simply do it best' - The Music or the Misery, Fall Out Boy.

i want to live in my car. but i will settle for a trailer attached to my car.

i was really doubting if i wanted to be an artist... for about a week.

thats over.

i want to teach art at Timpview.
:)

i am so lame.

i want my own museum.

i consider myself one step ahead of the game.

i like sunflowers. and elephants. and whales. arent they beautiful?

i analyze and watch people. so i assume they do the same to me. but most people dont.

when i see an overweight person i think ' atleast im not that big' and then i realise they are probably thinking that about me.

i am fat. and i love it sometimes.

but i am too lazy to change it.

and by lazy i mean i just dont care whether i am fat or skinny. because it shouldnt matter.

if i get a guy who loves me even though i am fat. then i will probably lose weight for him.

i feed off of peoples vibes. thats why i feel so attached to people i have never had a conversation with.

i like my hair, but i wish it would look like what i picture in my head.

when i envision an apartment it has peeling paint and mismatched furnature. because thats what i like. i feel anxious when someones house is perfect.

because nobodys house should be perfect.

perfection.

i dont even want to talk about that.

i like peacoats, and slocuhy boots that go to my knees.

i like cardigans, and clip on earrings.

and plaid shirts.

i like jeans that know my body and putting flowers in my hair.

i want a long pioneer dress and a brown indian vest.

i like downtown.

my shoe size is 10 womens and 8 mens

i wear size 12 jeans, and xl shirts.

i am big.

i am also beautiful. because i am here.

physically. no, im kinda bleh.

but on the inside. that all that matters anyway.

i believe in science and also God.

if you believe in science then you have to believe in an after life.

energy cannot be created or destroyed.

so love cannot be created or desotroyed.

unless you disagree with me and thing that love isnt energy.

so the ability to love is always there, and it never goes away.

love.

i am religious because i want to be.

i am a latter-day saint. and plan on staying that way. but.

i am open to everyone elses religeon. there is alot to be taught.

who am i to say i know everything?

saying you know everything is not a good i dea.

how could one person possibly know everything there is too know.

and if they did then they would probably be dead.

but God knows everything. and soon i will.

that makes sense if you know.

or i am completely wrong and will turn into a tree when i die.

but i doubt that.

how could there not be a God?

yeah there is a lot of hate and evil.

but thats jusy agency, not 'gods wrath upon us'

people can do whatever they want which is the beauty of gods plan. :)

yeah children get cancer. and die.

disease is everywhere.

but that was caused by US! and our ill-educated ancestors.

dont blame god.

have you ever thought that it might be you thats wrong, not just everyone else?

i believe that everything is self inflicted.

i your life sucks. fix it.

if you are sad. be happy.

i understand things are hard. i know. my life hasnt exactly been a hayride. but its still been good. because i am alive.

im not saying QUIT NOW! things take time.

i also believe that a certain amount of selfishness is healthy.

i you give everything youhave for a long period of time. you soon realise you arent there anymore.

you realise that you dont know yourself anymore.

and no one knows you more than you.

not even your mother. because as soon as the cord is cut you are strangers.

life is about developing relationships, and learning who you are.

and loving. and dedication. and just figuring out why. and how.

and who... :)

"an artist knows who they are"-Simon from American Idol.

Artist: a person whose work exhibits exceptional skill.

Work: everything; all related items or matters

yeah.

My home town was an untapped oilfeild.

2009-01-15T19:19:00.003-06:00

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."

— Edgar Allan Poe

"We loved with a love that was more than love."

— Edgar Allan Poe

"God is in the rain" - V for Vendetta.

We all know that Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize truth, at least the truth that is given us to understand. The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies. ~Pablo Picasso

The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the reformer, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understanding of life. ~Henry Miller

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for. ~Georgia O'Keeffe

Man will begin to recover the moment he takes art as seriously as physics, chemistry or money. ~Ernst Levy

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently"- Dr. Fullmer

Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde

The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things. The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all. The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass. The nineteenth century dislike of romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass. The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved. No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style. No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything. Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art. From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type. All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril. It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors. Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital. When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself. We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely. All art is quite useless.

- Oscar Wilde, The Preface to 'The Picture of Dorian Grey'

THINK ABOUT IT.

Quel âge as tu?

2009-01-13T21:14:00.006-06:00

J'ai quinze ans. i have(?) 15 years.

i feel different. why is it that i am stuck being 15? how can i even say this?i dont like praising myself. i don't like building myself up. i like peoples opinions about me.why. because i like the way people think. so yes i care. not to an extreme. but it is sensible to care. because then you show that you care. does that make sense?no. it doesnt.

i am silent and seldom still.

how can i express how i feel and think.

when no one listens.

i was laughed at yesterday. because i was expressing what i believe to be the difference between Nude and Naked.

and let me tell you. they are completely different things.

to be nude is to be beautiful. and i am not saying. run around naked.

because i am not talking about being naked.

nude is an... expression? for lack of a better word. it is soft. it is soulful. i really hope this makes sense. like nude portraits, they show the beauty of the human figure, they are not pornography. pornography is there to arouse sexual feelings, and nude portraits are there to expose the beauty and shyness of the figure. the body is not longer treated with respect because of people who prefer naked to nude.

to be naked is to be provocative. well not entirely. but that is the word i can

most closely realate to naked. the difference is like the subtle difference between having sex and making love. which is why i believe in having that after marriage. because it is a beautiful and sacred thing. and it is not to be wasted with petty affairs and desires of the flesh.

we are encased in a tomb of flesh. all people see when they look at us is the mold on the outside of us. people dont see anymore. they glance and sometimes they look. but seeing is a forgotten art. to see is to feel to feel is to live. and i live life like never before. is this mkaing sense? are my ideas out there, too far? why am i 15. age and flesh. they are the guidelines, that people abide by.

knowledge comes by experience, but how can that be when i know love. and i have not had a boyfriend. why? because high school is a joke and high school realationships are shallow and not love. it is infatuation. i refuse to have a boyfriend. and even if i was shallow enough to want another one, my tomb would hold me back. because high school is rediculous.

another reason. i am ready for a real relationship. for an eternal companion. man. why am i 15?
i like watching people. because i see them, even if they are playing the game of life. i see them their soul, their aura. if you will.

See:

to perceive (things) mentally; discern; understand.

Look:
to turn one's eyes toward something or in some direction in order to see

Am i loud? am i clear?
no. but i am 15.
i have 15 years.

*NOTE: Have: to experience, undergo, or endure, as joy or pain.*

i do have 15 years

baby. people change and seasons dont. i have changed. and each year. the seasons stay the same. come august. i will not know me again. come sept ember...

words fail me.

2009

2009-01-02T10:41:00.002-06:00

woah. this is pretty exciting.

i was going to blog at midnight, but then gregs mom made me go to bed ;)

i dont really like new years resolutions, because what if you dont do them and then you feel like a loser. so i guess i will list off things that most definately will happen this year.

i am going ot turn 16.
i am going to be a senior.
i will still be in texas.

actually. i might die. and there is no way i would everbe burried in texas.
i would rather die.
explode.

speaking of exxploding. i met kenneth and the universe didnt explode.
well actually i drove by kenneth and said hey. but the universe is not exploded so its all good. i am just not going to push my luck.

oh yeah another thing. i am officially quitting band.
its not for me anymore. and i need to get more serious about my art and my future.
i need to take the ACT and SAT, i am going to apply early to college, it will be amazing.
i want to go to SVA that would be grand, except there is no way i can support myself as an artist in new york. and go to a private art school. stupid money
i am applying to BYU provo. just because...
and the university of utah, thats where i want to go if i cant figure out how to survive in new york.
i could just eat trees. oh man, having dreams is expensive.
and then wanting to go to a ivyleague college for my masters. man. i am going to live in a hole.
i am never going to college in texas. i would rather have my face melted off by a baby.

oh darling i know what you're going through

2008-12-25T22:15:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I wanna quit this all and become an accountant now.
But I'm no good at math and besides the dollar is down.
plant our trees on Lake Michigan before it gets cold.
I gotta feel the wind chill again before I get old.

I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs.
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

You can blame your problems on the world for so long.
Before it all becomes the same old song.
As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town.
And keep new passports and get get get get get out now!

All the "s" men said "no comment".
My mouth got "go away".
Wrong way and all the cost that it's a no win.
The time my dad called me a horse shoe crab.
And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back?

I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

You can blame your problems on the world for so long.
Before it all becomes the same old song.
As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town.
And keep new passports.
Get out now!

Tell that boy I'll leave you alone now.
Like a store I'll turn my love down.
Soon we're in the profit of both in the business of soul.

I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs.
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.
I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs.
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.

You can blame your problems on the world for so long.
Before it all becomes the same old song.
As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town.
And keep new passports.
get get get get get out.
get get get get get out now!

seriously fall out boy. is the greatest band ever. and i dont care what you think, because in my reality they are. and you have your own. so back off of mine.

greg is writing a blog with me.

2008-12-22T13:50:00.003-06:00

Greg can't type with a glove on.

Don't do grugs. It's kinda like drugs, except it's Greg. The drug that is Greg. Don't do it. The end.

thats what she said

According to my facial hair, I am not a she

i am pretty sure you are more feminine than millie(me)

I am not pretty sure. I'm just pretty. Like a princess.

like a man princess. a hairy man princess.

Greg is allergic to effing every green thing in effing effity eff eff efferpants Utah!

i am allergic to texas.

I am going to drive there. And legally steal you.

oh yes. and i will jump into your car. and we will drive to missouri and eat pineapple.

I like girls. Alot.

yeah. i know.

i like pants. alot.

Any Texan(is that a word?)(yes.) reading this, should contact me. And my pants.

OH YES. his pants are delicious. like cake.

Can I have a princess cake? With... chest hair?

yes

Airplanes.

2008-12-20T21:03:00.001-06:00

im going to utah tomorrow!

what if my plane crashes and i die.

this is a texas song

2008-12-18T18:20:00.001-06:00

Breathing from a hole in my lung
I had no one
But faces in front of me
Racing through the void in my head
To find traces of a good luck academy

Sparks ignite and trade them for thought
About no one
And nothing in particular
Washed the sickened socket and drove
Resent nothing
There's good will inside of me

Wake me up low with a fever
Walking in a straight line
Set me on fire in the evening
Everything will be fine
Waking up strong in the morning
Walking in a straight line
Lately I'm a desperate believer
But walking in a straight line

Something I will never forget
I felt desperate
And stuck to the marrow
Invisible to everyone else
I'm a sex change
And a damsel with no heroine

Wake me up low with a fever
Walking in a straight line
Set me on fire in the evening
Everything will be fine
Waking up strong in the morning
Walking in a straight line
Lately I'm a desperate believer
But walking in a straight line

I don't need no time to say
There's no changing yesterday
If we keep talking and
I keep walking in straight lines

Wake me up low with a fever
Walking in a straight line
Set me on fire in the evening
Everything will be fine
Waking up strong in the morning
Walking in a straight line
Lately I'm a desperate believer
But walking in a straight line

Thoreau

2008-12-17T22:00:00.000-06:00

I HEARTILY ACCEPT the motto, — "That government is best which governs least";(1) and I should like to see it acted up to more rapidly and systematically. Carried out, it finally amounts to this, which also I believe, — "That government is best which governs not at all"; and when men are prepared for it, that will be the kind of government which they will have. Government is at best but an expedient; but most governments are usually, and all governments are sometimes, inexpedient. The objections which have been brought against a standing army, and they are many and weighty, and deserve to prevail, may also at last be brought against a standing government. The standing army is only an arm of the standing government. The government itself, which is only the mode which the people have chosen to execute their will, is equally liable to be abused and perverted before the people can act through it

just close your eyes.

2008-12-14T17:40:00.000-06:00

Salut! comment ca va?

2008-12-11T19:35:00.002-06:00

hey there!

so i recently (and by recently i mean today at lunch) i heard of this band. playradioplay. and they are sweet. seriously. go on myspace and listen to them. except for you bitsy. you can't do that. ;P

they are way good. i think theyre a local band from here in texas. and they rock my pants.

northern downpour sends its love

2008-12-07T17:15:00.001-06:00

oh yes. panic at the disco day.

Northern Downpour

if all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed, then we should feed our jewelry to the sea

For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me

And then she said she can’t believe
Genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues

Tripping eyes and flooded lungs
The northern downpour sends its love

Hey moon please forget to fall down
Hey moon don’t you go down
Sugar cane in the easy morning
Weather vanes my one and lonely

The ink is running towards the page
Chasing off the days
Look back at both feet and that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me
Those playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the worlds a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home

Hey moon please forget to fall down
Hey moon don’t you go down

Sugar cane in the easy morning
Weathervanes my one and lonely

Sugar cane in the easy morning
Weathervanes my one and lonely (repeats x2)

Sugarcane (Hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (Hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (Hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (Hey moon) and lonely

[Repeat in Background]
Sugarcane (Hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (Hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (Hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (Hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn (repeat x2)

College.

2008-11-28T20:43:00.002-06:00

SVA. that is where i want to go.

i got the giant catalog thing in the mail today. and there are O students at SVA, from utah. i am going to be the first. i guess i was going ot be the first. texxas ruins everything. i'll be from utah.

i really want to come back my senior year and graduate from timpview (go t-birds!). then i'll 'be from utah'.

i miss everyone so much. and i want to stay in utah. but i want to be an artist much much more!

why should i have to choose between who i love and what i love to do?

but. i guess i have to make my choice. and i will be back. someday.

black friday.

2008-11-28T10:05:00.001-06:00

yeah. so what.

HAPPY NATIONAL OBESITY DAY!

2008-11-27T21:53:00.000-06:00

but really. they are trying to make thanksgiving healthy. when really thanksgiving is about sitting around eating fattening food loving eachother while you eat more food. its great. everyday should be like this. except for the fact that if everyday was like this then we'd all be as big(fat) as every other country thinks we are. but the loving thanking part is nice. its nice to just sit around and love.

Millie can do hard things.

2008-11-27T10:59:00.000-06:00

so i'll post balnkety-blank of the day and you all will watch and be amazed. oh yes.

so today will be way exciting. like mashed potatoes of the future.

so today is marching band day!!!!

i have become a frequent blogger.

2008-11-26T10:05:00.000-06:00

i have decided that i need a few things.

the glass passenger- jacks mannequin

sams town - the killers

day& age - the killers

flio 'a deux - fall out boy

the airborne toxic event - the airborn toxic event

whisper war - the cab

all we know is falling - paramore

riot! - paramore

every single fetching album by cursive

i might add more at a later time.

happy trails!

HOLY ZUES TIME FLIES! (also referring to the birthday card)

2008-11-26T08:58:00.000-06:00

oh yea

maybe i should update people on my current status.

because as far as they know i am dead!

right now, i am drawing a picture of my asian.

oh yes.

and soon i'm going over to Ambers house.

and i'm wearing a shirt that smells like lizzies house, because i washed it there last.

maybe i should apologize, to everyone

who had to deal with me

last year.

QUOTE OF THE DAY!!

"...i wonder if its possible to have a love affair that lasts forever..."

-Andy Warhol.

who i am writing a report on. i need to explain to my english class

how my Mr. Warhol changed the world.

oh yes.

i hope this works.

2008-11-25T21:36:00.000-06:00

this song is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard. its called

sometime around midnight - the airborne toxic event

its on my top 10

prolly around 2 or 3.

lyrics

And it starts...
sometime around midnight
or at least that's when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand...
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her
for a while

But you know...
that she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
she's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves...
with someone you don't know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
under the streetlights
and you're too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she'll break you
in two

Pants

2008-11-25T18:00:00.000-06:00

so i guess my blog is a cult. because i now have one follower. and that makes my blog a cult.

Mars

2008-11-22T11:26:00.000-06:00

on my birthday last year i got a card from my rahter psychotic section. I remember alot of what was written but my favorite one was from Jeff, it said "dont go to outerspace". and now that I'm in texas, i really think that i have gone to outerspace.